finally worked 'em out!

[benchmark51]

Seen on another forum, old but funny

ANALYSIS OF WOMAN

ELEMENT: Woman SYMBOL: Wo
DISCOVERER: Adam
ATOMIC MASS: Accepted as 118 lbs., but known to vary from 75 to 550 lbs. OCCURRENCE: Copious quantities throughout the world

PHYSICAL PROPERTIES:
1. Surface usually covered with a painted film.
2. Boils at nothing, freezes without reason.
3. Melts if given special treatment.
4. Bitter if incorrectly used.
5. Found in various states ranging from virgin metal to common ore.
6. Yields to pressure applied to correct points.

CHEMICAL PROPERTIES:
1. Has a great affinity for gold, silver, platinum, and precious stones.
2. Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.
3. May explode spontaneously without prior warning, and for no known reason.
4. Insoluble in liquids, but activity greatly increased by saturation in alcohol.
5. Most powerful money-reducing agent known to man.

COMMON USES:
1. Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars.
2. Can be a great aid to relaxation.
3. Very effective cleaning agent.

TESTS:
1. Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered in natural state.
2. Turns green when placed beside a better specimen.

HAZARDS:
1. Highly dangerous except in experienced hands.
2. Illegal to possess more than one, although several can be maintained at different locations as long as specimens do not come into direct contact with each other.

[garry h]

Very funny and ohh so true 

[Iancider]

Nice!  They are complex aren't they.

When a man wants to impress a woman
He needs to:

Buy her flowers

Whisper sweet nothings in her ear

Show kindness to small children, cuddle puppies and kittens

He must tell her how beautiful she looks

And sympathise when she is down

He must make her laugh but never laugh at her

She needs a listening ear - even if she has said it twice aleady...


When a woman wants to impress a man

She needs to...

Bring Beer and get Naked!