Very, very bad puns

[Furore Phil]

1.  The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table  was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too  much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor  on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an  optical  Aleutian

3. She was only a  whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra  class because it was a weapon of math  disruption.

5. The butcher backed into the  meat grinder and got a little behind in his  work.

6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

7. A  dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was  cited for littering.

8. A grenade thrown  into a kitchen in France  would result  in Linoleum Blownapart...

9. Two silk worms  had a race. They ended up in a tie.

10.  Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a  banana.

11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

12. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

13. Two hats were hanging on  a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the  other, 'You stay here; I'll go on a  head.'

14. I wondered why the baseball kept  getting bigger. Then it hit me.

15. A sign  on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

16. A small boy swallowed some  coins and was taken to a hospital. When his  grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse  said, 'No change yet.'

17. A chicken  crossing the road is poultry in motion.

19. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison  was a small medium at large.

20.  The soldier who survived mustard gas and  pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

21.. A backward poet writes inverse.

22. In democracy it's your vote  that counts. In feudalism it's your Count that  votes.

23. When cannibals ate a missionary,  they got a taste of religion.

24. Don't  join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects!

['The Gaffer']

Very good